just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
