im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
