I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
