What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
