the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
