I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
