Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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