Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
