did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
