The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
