I looked at my own cervix.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
