Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
