i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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