Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
