There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
