I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
