if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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