meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
