Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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