fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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