Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I smell like Dick and happiness
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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