coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
