woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
