youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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