woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
