you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
