your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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