never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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