I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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