i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
