Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
