overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
