The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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