well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
