i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
