i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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