So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
