Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
