You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
