so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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