The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
