I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
