Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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