You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
