now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Randomize
