Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
