I'm jealous of your bromance
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
