i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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