I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
