Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
